


I Lost Everything, Including Myself

by Violent_Bulldog



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Clint Barton, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Maximoff Twin Feels, Natasha Romanov Feels, Other, Pain, Pietro Maximoff Dies, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Self-Harm, Suicide, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 04:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violent_Bulldog/pseuds/Violent_Bulldog
Summary: When someone loses everything in their life, they may find themselves feeling numb.When someone loses their family, they don't know how to respond.When someone loses their world, they lose part of themselves.*HIGH TRIGGER WARNING*





	I Lost Everything, Including Myself

**Author's Note:**

> *HIGH TRIGGER WARNING*
> 
> Suicide  
> Self-Harm

 

Wanda sensed him hitting the ground.

She sensed his soul leaving his body.

She felt him leave her. Leave her _alone_.

 

When she screamed is dismay and pain, all the robots around her blew up.

When she ripped Ultron's 'heart' out, she felt nothing

When the city started to plummet back down to earth, she didn't care. Her world had just left her.

 

When she woke up in a hospital bed, she panicked. It reminded her of Hydra's experiments.

When she called out for her brother but was met with silence, she remembered.

When her vision became cloudy with tears, she let them fall.

 

When Clint came to check on her, she felt hatred towards him. He was the reason why her brother was gone.

When she saw the pain on his face at the sight of her, her hatred died down.

When he explained how sorry he was, she didn't answer. She _couldn't_ answer.

 

When Clint told her about the funeral, tears burned her eyes again.

When she was told the details about the date, she kept her eyes closed.

When Clint left her alone, she let the tears fall. Let herself mourn for her brother. 

 

When she was given a temporary room, she didn't say a word.

When she got dressed in all black, the only other colour was a red ring he had got her, she had to choke back a sob.

When Clint asked if she was ready, she nodded as they both left. The first funeral she would ever get to go to. Lucky her.

 

When she saw the coffin, she bit her lip to stop from sobbing. She had to be strong for him.

When it was lowered into the ground, she frantically wiped away the tears trickling down her cheeks.

When she had to say goodbye, she couldn't. She couldn't say goodbye to him.

 

When everyone had left the service, she sat next to the tombstone.

When she read the information, she let herself cry. It wasn't fair.

When she read the birth and death dates, she felt something inside of herself shatter. 1999-2015.

 

When she woke up, she was in a bed.

When she read the note from Clint, saying that he carried her back to the room when she fell asleep at his grave, she sighed.

When she realised that she was completely alone, she sobbed into the pillow. Everything hurt.

 

When she went into the bathroom, she saw a silver shimmer in the light.

When she cut the tip of her finger with it, she got an idea. A bad one.

When she cut a line on her wrist, she felt relief. She repeated the action until she no longer felt a thing.

 

When she repeated the process daily, she felt a sense of calmness.

When Clint gave her weird looks for wearing hoodies during the summer, she ignored them.

When she was offered a new outfit, sleeveless, she declined.

 

When she saw Natasha, Steve, Tony and Thor for the first time, she ducked her head.

When they glared at her in passing, she would walk quicker.

When she heard them talking about her, she tried to block it out. She numbed her thoughts with the silver blade.

 

When Tony told her to meet in a conference room, she was sure that they would banish her to prison or worse.

When she was met with eight pairs of eyes, all looking concerned, she panicked. Why did they all want to see her?

When Tony told them that Vision saw scars on her wrist when she had left her room, which was only once a week, she felt her heart stop.

 

When she sprinted from the room, nobody went after her. They didn't know what to do.

When she locked herself in her room, she searched for something.

When she saw a ragged rope, she thought for a minute. What did she have here?

 

Clint? He had his family.

The other Avengers? They all hated her.

Family? All already dead.

 

When she tied the rope into a noose, she felt weak.

When she tied the rope to the ceiling, she felt numb. Completely numb.

When she stepped onto a chair, she felt her chest tighten.

 

When she slipped the rope around her neck, she heard footsteps nearby.

When she stepped off the chair, she heard frantic knocking on her door.

When she lost her final breath, she saw Natasha and Clint breaking through her door and gasping.

 

Clint cut the rope.

Natasha tried CPR.

When she didn't start to breathe again, they didn't give up.

 

When they spent twenty minutes trying to resuscitate her and failing, they gave up.

When Natasha had to go back to the others and explain what happened, there were tears slipping down her cheeks.

When it registered that she was gone, nobody could stop their tears.

 

When Natasha went to check on Clint, she saw him sobbing and holding her body close.

When he whispered that she didn't deserve this, Natasha couldn't do anything but agree.

When Clint blamed himself, Natasha sat next to him and held him close as his grip on the deceased girl faltered and she lay still on the floor once again.

 

When the funeral came, Clint made sure that her body was buried next to her brother's.

When the coffin was lowered, everyone was completely silent.

When everyone left the service, they stayed silent. Not a word was uttered to one another for the following hours.

 

When someone loses everything in their life, they may find themselves feeling numb.

When someone loses their family, they don't know how to respond.

When someone loses their world, they lose part of themselves.

 

 

Pietro Maximoff

1999-2015

Sacrificed Himself For The Life Of Others

 

 

Wanda Maximoff

1999-2015

Lost Everything, Including Herself


End file.
